IMPROMPTU #126: An Object in Your Living Room

An object in your living room suddenly has the ability to speak, and it is evil, but it loves you. What is this object? A houseplant? A couch? A record player? A "World's Best Grandpa" mug? An antique porcelain cat? What does it say to you? What do you say back? Write a poem, or series of poems, short story or flash fiction.

Prompt inspiration courtesy of Erin Kirsh, who also happens to write a v funny and insightful blog about writer life, check out The Losing Game. <3